Where would I be?
by finsbaby
Summary: A nice little EO comfort fic.


short One shot written on how my day went. Had to let it out somehow...

_**Bold italics=Elliot**_

**Bold=Olivia

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**

Tired wasn't the word. _Empty _was the feeling. One that went deep beneath the surface and settled into the bones. The soul. Olivia sighed. She'd been trying to avoid this dark mood for weeks, all the while feeling its reach gain ground with each passing day. Oddly enough, when darkness fell, it got worse. Gritting her teeth, she exhaled in hopes of side stepping the anger suddenly rising inside of her. Maybe if she turned on the light, she could shake...this. The sadness, the despair, but what she really wanted to shake-escape...was the anger. The more it grew, the more she hated herself for not controlling it. What made it worse, was she didn't know its source. All she could do was smile, joke, and put on that mask that no one seemed to notice she wore. Empty? More like just plain _done. _She didn't like this feeling, but she didn't know how to defeat it either. Pulling out her phone, she texted Elliot.

**Hey. **

She waited. Things between them were strained lately. With Kathy leaving him and her spiraling emotions, it only led to disaster. Most recently, she'd told him to 'get your shit together' to which he sneered: you first. She didn't like to think she'd ever hit him, but she wasn't so sure she _wouldn't_ have when Cragen pulled her out of his face. Something in her was...snapping.

_**Hey. Lock down fucking sucks. Cragen has a stick up his ass. No. Make that a log.**_

That got a laugh out of her. An honest to God laugh.

**LOL**

_**I mean, suspending both of us? Harsh. And STUPID.**_

Olivia in a way agreed, and went to say so, but changed her mind.

**I've been a little much lately, and I'm sorry.** **I shouldn't take my shit out on you.**

_**You're human Liv. And I did the same. Had I been on my game I would've noticed something was off to begin with. **_

Olivia nodded.

**You need the break. Take care of yourself. **

The instant reply caught her off guard.

_**You need one too. And what the hell does that mean?**_

**What? What does what mean?**

_**"Take care of yourself." I am Liv. I may not be handling it well, but I AM taking care of myself.**_

Olivia sighed.

**Never mind. Goodnight El.**

She couldn't even handle a simple conversation. Why did that bring tears to her eyes.

_**No. Don't do that to me.**_

She didn't even bother replying this time. She didn't have the energy for an argument...

_**Livia...please. Don't tell me goodnight. Don't shut me out.**_

The tears were fighting to be set free, they'd been held in so long...

_**Please. Babe...**_

The tears lost again. They were pushed back, and Olivia's couldn't even muster up the strength to be taken aback by Elliot calling her 'babe.'

_**Don't tell me goodnight. **_

_Don't shut me out._She heard that plea loud and clear_**. **_There was no thought behind her next response, just desperation to be _heard._

**I will tell you something, and you're the only person I will tell.**

_**Ok.**_

**I fucking hate my life. **

_**Once you take advantage of this time off, you'll feel good as new. You just need a rest.**_

Olivia shook her head.

**I know, and in the meantime I know I've gotta breathe through this, and be strong. But it hurts. It hurts so bad.**

That was the most honest conversation she'd had in weeks.

_**Whoever, whatever brought this on is gonna fucking die.**_

Olivia sighed.

**:-( You wanna know what I said to Casey the other day?**

_**There's more. Yes please.**_

She could literally see him, eyes fixed upon his phone screen, waiting for her response.

"Probably waiting for a name." and that got another laugh out of her.

**It's funny but it depressed the hell outta me. I said...I said I wish I'd never been born to the mother I had. I wished that I'd been born to another family, and Cragen would be my dad.**

That had hurt to type. Because admitting that made her feel like the most horrible person on the face of the earth. She felt dirty. _Unworthy._

_**You wanna know what's really funny...I wished that too.**_

**Great. Make me cry.**

And she was pretty damn close.

_**I wish he would have adopted you.**_

**Casey just gave me the saddest look, and kept her eyes on the road. Where would I be without my friends?**

_**That's it. I'M adopting you.**_

Another laugh.

**Casey said she's adopting me first...**

The reply was instant.

_**She should!**_

**Thank you Elliot.**

No response came, and Olivia knew he'd fallen asleep. He most likely was already asleep when she texted him in the first place.

"Where would I be indeed." She smiled, closing her eyes to fall asleep herself.

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_**End. I hope you guys enjoyed this one shot. Based on my day today, which sucked. Their convo is word for word a convo I had with a good friend of mine that totally helped me out a little. She put me in a better mood, one that's not as dark. I'm so very blessed to have her in my life. Oh and she didn't call me babe LOL that's totally for the hint of EO I put in this story;-)**_


End file.
